Moving On

Mark, we're finally doing it! We sold the house and are packing up the few things we didn't get rid of and are going to move to our new home in Texas in the next 3 weeks. It will be a new beginning - new state, new house, new church, new everything.

Seven months ago I made the ‘announcement’ to you and the kids. You started to type a response and never hit ‘send’. I will never know what your reaction was or what you were typing. Maybe wondering if we'd see your son? Or if you'd ever come to Texas to see us? Or why the heck we would leave the California that you loved? Don't know. Will never know.

The whole moving thing went off the rails back then. At the time I didn't understand of course why 2 deals fell through for us. It was unheard of in the hot real estate market we were in. Our agents and others in the biz declared, "This never happens!"

Now, of course we know exactly why it happened. God kept it from happening then and in his providence stopped the deals.

If the first deal didn't fall through we would have closed escrow on the day you died.

The second deal would have closed on the week we buried you. Our good and gracious Lord knew. He knew it wasn't the right time. He knew you were going to pass from this life to the next. He knew that there would be no way that we could cope with all of that - - not at that time. We were so distraught. So out of it that Gene even told our Realtor that if she brought us the perfect deal it would just be torture. And it was.

"All in God's timing, Mama." - that was what Diana said to me and she was right. Such precious words to me too. After you died, we weren't sure where we wanted to live anymore. I wanted to be near you, I wanted to be as far away as I could be, I wanted to stay here, I wanted you alive. I was so out of sorts and it was a very weird time. Our house here was stripped out pretty much because we were all ready to take off. It was empty, even echoed because some rooms were so bare. It was indicative of how my heart felt. Empty.

You know, I didn't think things with the family would return to our 'normal'. It actually is worse in some ways, better in others. We have all 'moved on' and some days are better than others. At least for me.

I have continued to pray for your soul daily to God and asked him to let you know that I'm talking to him about you. About your eternity. I've begged him for mercy on you. Our lives are so short in the scheme of eternity. Your life here was a rough one and I'm sorry, son. I love you as you know. We always told each other that, even when we had our issues.

Lord, may my son find favor in your eyes. Hear this mother's prayer. I will bring him to you as I have done every day of his life and intend to do so every day of mine. Rest in peace Mark. Mama loves you.