More than meets the eye

April 16, 2021

I talked to Trooper Allen, the Lead Investigator of your accident. He is a kind man and a believer in Jesus Christ. He wanted to talk to me as a 'Dad' he said. I only contacted him because I was looking to get all the reports I could on your accident. I was referred to him for the autopsy and toxicology reports. I was only looking for some 'closure' I guess, if there is such a thing for me.

He called to tell me that as a parent, he didn't think I would want to read your autopsy report. He was right. From the time I made the request, to the time he contacted me, I had already changed my mind. I did have some additional information when I read the official accident report and even that ushered in all kinds of feelings I thought I had a hold of. While he advised against my actually reading the report, he did tell me what was in it.

We talked about that night when he came upon the scene, what he immediately noticed and other details that I knew from Diana, your Dad, Louie or Jill. How you were not distracted on your cell phone because it was in your pocket, how there were no alcohol or drug paraphernalia items in the car, etc. Then he told me confidently that as the Lead Investigator he reported officially (and stands by his findings now) that for an 'Unknown Reason' you veered across the line...a 'hit and stop'. No, skid marks and no time for the other driver to even react. He hypothesized that it could have been anything - an animal, a shadow, you may have fallen asleep, etc. He was also careful to assure me that you likely suffered no pain - for that I am grateful to God.

As for Toxicology, yes there were findings, but he cautioned me to avoid speculation that you were in anyway under the influence. Because traces of drugs can be in cells and blood for a very long time. Sometimes years. He was certain enough in his investigation that you were not under the influence when you literally 'crossed over'.

As we wrapped up the call I thanked him for his service and for tending to you on the scene. He told me that he has prayed for you and the family since then and I was touched.

I love you, Mark. Little by little we've all moved on but are changed. I think we all have some days that are more difficult than others. Your baby is amazing and precious - like you and I'm sad that you weren't able to see his smile.

The truth is we will never know what actually happened that night. Not this side of eternity anyway. And, like the mystery of eternity and life itself, there is always more than meets the eye.