I Can't Believe You're Gone

July 21, 2021

Every once in a while, out of the blue it hits me again - and when it does, it hits me hard. You aren't just laying low like you used to do sometimes. And, you aren't away anywhere, you're not busy or just being lazy about staying in touch. You're gone.

Just one year ago you were expecting your son, "living between places" as you put it and looking forward. Now we're the ones "living between places" waiting on a home that may or may not come through for us, in a new place and in more ways than one, just starting over. I guess I should say starting anew.

Your son is coming up on his 1st birthday soon. My heart breaks when I think that you never had the chance to see him grow, smile, get his teeth and first birthday. Diana sent a few videos and he's as cute as can be and crawling all over playing in his playpen with balls like you used to do. I cry....for you, for him, for all of us.

I still pray for your soul everyday and I hope God lets you know this. I don't know what else to say. It's just one of those painful times that I'm sad. I know any mother would feel this way so I am not feeling sorry for myself. I just miss you, Mark and I still can't believe you're gone. Mama loves you.