Christmas Firsts

2020 was Baby Mark's first Christmas and our first without you. We got these pajamas and teddy bear for him. Rose did some photoshopping and look at how precious this picture is! How precious he his...how precious you are.

I cried because you didn't have a single Christmas with him. Flooded with my own memories of all of the Christmases we had as a family together and more sadness about those when we were apart. I even ran across an old list I had where I kept track of the gifts I got for you kids. I had to make sure that each of you had an equal number of things to open because you guys always kept count!

I am glad that you were raised to know the true meaning of Christmas. The day the world celebrates the birth of our Savior, Jesus. Whether you gave it much thought as you grew up is unknown to me and doesn't matter. I know for a fact that you loved Christmas. Maybe the presents, maybe the family time, maybe just because it is a day of relaxing and peace where for one day you could forget your struggles and problems?

This year one of the verses of my favorite Christmas song 'Oh Holy Night' resonated deep in my heart:

"...The thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices.." Weary is the exact word that I felt this year. Weary of this mourning for you, weary of the ongoing distance in our family, weary of how things unfolded with you, weary...just weary. But, I did pick up the second part of the verse "rejoices". How can I not rejoice in a Savior coming to us? How can I not rejoice that His kingdom is eternal and not passing like ours? How can I not rejoice in his love for you? How can I not have great hope for your soul even now? How can I not rejoice in hope for our family and for your son's future? Yes, I'm weary, but rejoicing "for yonder waits a new and glorious morn...". Merry Christmas, Mark. I love you.